LIFE: My old feeling as a SixTONES fan is back in a new form

[viancii_caramel]

Hello~
I decided to write an entry about my current feelings as a fan etc...coz there might be someone who is also on the same both as me plus I wanna treasure this moment

Just one thing, I am so happy and grateful with everything that SixTONES is receiving right now.

Last year, the group that I have been stanning the longest until now debuted. Like, FINALLY!!

Everything is new since it is the first ever debuted group that I am stanning (even though they're not the first group I ever followed, they're the first group that I can really call myself a fan).

They now often appear in different variety shows, radio shows, music shows, magazines, etc.

They also gained a lot of new fans (yey) 😊

But, for someone who ain't used to stanning a debuted group (aka me), I was soooo overwhelmed!!

At first, I tried to ride with the wave...then eventually, I got tired (as expected).

There was this sooooo much "self-made" pressure as a fan that made me tired and I lost the excitement and fun in following my idols.

I even questioned myself if I am still a fan or I just want to end everything 🤪 but *ehem* taiga, or just create a new account or anything just to escape from my self-made pressure.

So I do logout my public account for days etc once (or whenever I feel to) every month coz idk but because of that self-made pressure, everything just tired me out (which is an opposite of what I should feel towards the idols and their activities).

Also, this self-made pressure made me soooooooo conscious of what I tweet etc. Like I can't make a mistake or I should give my feedback to this etc., or I haven't watched this oh no I'm such a bad fan etc. 🤯🤯🤯

It is such a sad and asfghl feeling when you suddenly lose the feeling of happiness and excitement towards someone who you used to feel those from (in terms of idol world lol)

But, I talked to a friend months ago, and she told me something (w/c i wanna keep as a secret between the two of us) that really left an impression to me and I honestly kept thinking of that up to this day. I think that helped me find my old feels back 😊 Not all of a sudden...but slowly 😊

I slowly learned and accepted that:
- I don't have to be the most updated fan out there (fangirl at your own pace)
- I don't owe anyone anything (answers, explanations) *I'm sorry if this may sound rude but there are some ppl who ask you as if you work under the customer service section of their idols T.T*
- It's okay to be an introvert and stay introvert, I don't have to be the friendliest fan out there (you do you) *as an introvert, I really need to exert an energy in replying etc, note: replies and such aren't a bother to me, I like reading replies and thankful for those...again...it's just me who is an introvert so I reply super slow 🙈 I don't hate u, I'm just so slow in replying)
- It's okay to not know everything and it's totally ok to make a mistake and humbly accept that I did a mistake and correct it
- It's okay to not care over everything
- The pressure I am feeling is just coming from myself (no one is expecting me to do this and that etc)
- There is no set of standards in fangirling, no requirements, and no validations. As long as I respect everyone one, then I'm fine.

Now, I'm glad that the excitement and fun is slowing coming back...in a new form...in a form in which I know what I want, I know my limits, and I know how to truly enjoy things.

This entry is so all over the place (like my brain) 🙇‍♀️ Also, it's kinda weird that I am making a fuse over my "fangirl" feelings, but feelings are feelings so don't invalidate them LOL

Ok idk if I made sense but thank you for reading 😊

Comments

[enokoe.livejournal.com]

I love it. Somehow, I really understand what you feel.
I stan for a Japanese metal band before. Maybe, I'm the most update fan about them. So, fans all over the world followed me, asked me, etc. But, shortly I lost my feeling, I felt so uncomfortable. I closed my account and fanbase account. Make the new one and hiding from everyone.

And now as fan of SixTONES, I don't want to do the same thing like before 😂
So I want myself feeling fine when I can't hear members radio broadcast, I don't know a lot about Taiga or many things about member. I want stan them as I can without pressure lol.

Ah, I'm sorry 🙏 Too much talking here~

[viancii-caramel.livejournal.com]

Hello, it's okay 😊 I appreciate your reply 😊 thank you for sharing your story 😊 I am currently enjoying this "no pressure" fg-ing lol but I still feel quite guilty with those fans who followed me for my translations etc...like I know I shouldn't feel this way...

[x-natsumi.livejournal.com]

Hi Vianca, thank you for sharing your feelings.
In my reflection of new year I had the same questions, am I doing this because I enjoy it or because it became an obligation?
At some point, they became so active that I couldn't keep up and I felt bad… but I realized that they are no longer jrs, they have a lot of new fans (younger ones, with more energy XD) who are going to support them 24/7. I have to relax.

I feel that the other thing that "played against me" is that many of the girls who follow the boys have other things to do in real life so there are not many trusted people to enjoy the fandom.

IDK
I guess that I’ll rest a bit, I’ll take it slow, I’ll be a silent supporter/fangirl

I’m sorry for this post,
I took advantage of doing catharsis ;__;

[viancii-caramel.livejournal.com]

Hello, thank your sharing your side too 😊 Yeah, they're not jrs anymore, while I'm glad that they have debuted...I just couldn't catch up with all of their activities anymore...I think I was kinda overwhelmed with all the changes and it felt like I am slowly failing as a fan...but then, at the end of the day, we should follow them at our own pace 😊

Yeah, they have younger and newer fans with so much energy lol kinda envy sometimes for having that energy

I don't know what happened but I think I kinda understand what you mean of it's hard to trust...

I hope you will find peace of mind during your hiatus (?) 😊

[yozora19.livejournal.com]

Hi!! That's a really great mindset! You don't have to be always up to date, it's okay to ejoy it at your own pace!!
It's might be meaningless to you but Sakurai Sho from Arashi once said that there's no benchmark on what a fan supposed to do. The fact that you love and support the group in your own way is enough:))

Hope you have a great day!

[viancii-caramel.livejournal.com]

Hello, what Sakurai Sho said is not meaningless at all. It is very helpful!! I agree with what he said 😊 Thank you so much for sharing what he said 😊